They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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