Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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