Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
