P.S. I can't hear my feet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
