if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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