Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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