I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
