I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
