I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
