I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
