I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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