There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
