I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
