it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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