Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
