I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
