she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You can't special order awesome
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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