I could make wine with my vomit
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
