I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
