What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
