Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
