I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
