I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
