Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
