mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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