You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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