My hand turned me down
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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