So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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