So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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