I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
