It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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