Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Say something about gay babies.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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