when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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