I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
