how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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