i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
