y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
