Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
