clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
