Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
