So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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