Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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