I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
