some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
