Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
