i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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