How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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