i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
