I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
