I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So many bounce houses so little time
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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