You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
