He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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