This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
