8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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