I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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