yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
