They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
