you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
