One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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