I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
