Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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