Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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