were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
