First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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