at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
