I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
