Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
