just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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