it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
