there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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