one two three fourrrrnication!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
