What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
