I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
