Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think I won the penis lottery.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You pole danced in your parka.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
