Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
